The Bawdy Cloister

The 2008 American Larrikin Award

Welcome to The Bawdy Cloister's Third Annual American Larrikin Award presentation.  Each year, in observance of Australia Day one American citizen will be recognized for their Aussie spirit:

The larrikin is almost archly self-conscious, too smart for his or her own good, witty rather than humorous, bending rules and sailing close to the wind, taking the piss out of people, cutting down tall poppies, larger than life, skeptical, iconoclastic, egalitarian yet suffering fools badly, insouciant and, above all, defiant. -- Clem Gorman

Each year the winner of the award has their name permanently attached to the coveted Cowboy Lamb Chop.

So without further ado, let the ceremony begin...

Over the past decade, Americans of all shapes and sizes have enjoyed listening to Bud Lite's now legendary "Real Men of Genius" radio spots.  While all other advertisers exert great energy trying to get us to recognize them, Bud Lite does just the opposite by shining the spotlight on us: Mr. Way Too Much Cologne Wearer, Mr. Underwear Inspector No. 12, Mr. Tiny Dog Clothing Manufacturer-- the list goes on and on.  Indeed, since the beginning of this campaign Bud Lite has saluted nearly every American male at least once.  We here at the Bawdy Cloister only thought it appropriate to return the favor by recognizing the copywriter that created this ingenious campaign. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm proud to announce that this year's American Larrikin Award goes to Bob Winter!!!

Congratulations!

Rowdy's Week in Review

Extremely eventful week, so here goes:

ITEM!

Wednesday morning Mrs. T and I drove the Acolyte down to Ochopee, Florida for his first airboat ride in the Everglades.  He dug it very much.

After boarding the boat, we floated slowly away from the dock.  The Acolyte was curious and pointed at whatever wildlife he'd see on the bank.  Then the boat took off.  As we got up to speed the kid burst into laughter.  The kid next to us burst into tears.

We used a company called Wooten's.  They've been in business forever and run a great outfit.  In fact, I took Mrs. T down there on her first trip to the States back in '98 when we were just engaged.  In addition to the airboat, they've got a nifty animal sanctuary that the kid just loved:

ITEM!

We were in Florida to visit my paternal grandma.  She had five kids, 12 grandkids and the Acolyte is her 13th great-grandkid.  Seven of the 12 grandkids were in town along with 12 of the 13 great grandkids.  It was chaos.  By chaos I mean a dozen kids piled onto one golf cart driven by an eight-year-old zooming around the house and nearly toppling over into an alligator infested pond.  The Acolyte has a few years yet before he can join such revelry, he stuck to the indoors and played with my Aunt's dog, Jimmy.

ITEM!

For some reason Waffle House isn't big in San Antonio.  That is to say, we don't have any!  The closest one to my house is in Austin.  So while in Florida I took the kid on his first trip to the legendary Greasy Spoon.

Several years ago Florida passed a law that prohibits smoking in restaurants.  Now I quit smoking a while back, so I wasn't upset that I couldn't smoke.  But I have to say there ought to be an exemption for Waffle Houses.  Cigarette smoke is at least a recognizable odor.  And for years it masked copious other odors a Waffle House and its clientele emit.  By the end of breakfast I was praying that someone would blow a big puff from a Marlboro red right in my face.

While I'm on the subject of short order diners, I'd like to plug my all-time favorite-- Huddle House.  They're big in Georgia and other southeastern states.  But they're slowly creeping westward (3 locations in east Texas now!)  Westward Ho Huddle House, Papa's hungry!

ITEM!

The weekend before leaving for Florida I threw a party at my place for a bunch of high school friends I recently reunited with over Facebook.  I'm happy to report that property damage was kept to a minimum.  The only loss was a 10-cent sake cup.  Knowing this crowd I was prepared for much worse.

ITEM!

We got to the airport a bit early for our return home.  Once in the terminal we grabbed dinner at the Jose Cuervo Tequileria.  Our waiter was very bald.  When the Acolyte first saw him his eyes lit up with a smile, he quickly stood up in his chair, pointed at the guy and excitedly shouted, "Anpanman!"

ITEM!

We arrived home late last night.  Now it's time to prepare for the big move in earnest.  The lease to the new place starts January 1 and we have to be cleared out of this place by January 31.  So if I'm a little light in my posts these next few weeks, that's why.

Hope everyone is enjoying their holidays!

Hey a new blog!

Just discovered a blog of an old buddy of mine, promises to be good.  Read it!

In other news,  just threw an all night party for a bunch of high school friends.  Still recovering.  I'll discuss it more later because now I have to prepare for the family vacation to Florida.  Going to take the Acolyte to see his great-grandma.  Flight leaves at 5:50 AM tomorrow morning though, much to do in the little time I have left.  Hope ya'll have a great holiday! 

Get Your Grain On!

Mrs. T and I were watching the season finale of America's Most Smartest Model last night when a commercial for My Word Coach aired.  Mrs. T's eyes lit up.  English is her second language and she's been in a learning slump the last couple of years.  The Word Coach caught her attention as something easy and fun she could do on the side.  I tucked her reaction into my memory thinking Word Coach might make a nice little Christmas gift.

Then just this morning on National Public Radio I listened to a story about the website FreeRice.com .  It's a free vocabulary building website based on a program designed by a guy to help his son's performance on the SAT.  Turns out it's become hugely popular not just among high school students, but also folks studying English as a second language.  Moreover, with every word you answer correctly, the site donates 20 grains of rice to the UN's World Food Programme.

When I got to work this morning I logged on to check it out.  It's pretty neat, albeit humbling.  The site ranks your vocabulary level on a scale from 1-50.  Your level fluctuates as you hit or miss.  It remembers your highest level reached and your current level.  I played for a few minutes and decided to play until I earned 1,000 grains of rice.  I figured at that point I could share my score with others so we could compare.  It's a lot of fun, only problem now is that I'm back to square one for Mrs. T's Christmas present.

So without further ado, my current vocab level at 1,000 grains of rice was 39 with a highest level of 42.  Play for yourself at FreeRice.com and let me know how you fared.

The Acolyte's First Easter

Got an invite from a buddy of mine to attend an Easter picnic down in Laredo.  The family had an absolute blast.  We were right on the Rio Grande, just a stone's throw from Mexico.  We had several fire pits working at once cooking everything from cabrito to beef and venison brisket.  In true Tex-Mex style, we had piñatas and cascarones for the kids.  And of course dogs.  Lots of dogs.

Here's a panoramic video:

Here are some stills:

Photo Op

With regard to Slender Reed's comment to the previous post:  Yes, I did watch last night's Report.  Did you catch the part where he took a second out of the show to get his photo with me?  He's such a publicity whore.

The 2007 American Larrikin Award

Welcome to The Bawdy Cloister's Second Annual American Larrikin Award presentation.  Each year, in observance of Australia Day-- I know I'm two months late, but hey-- one American citizen will be recognized for their Aussie spirit:

The larrikin is almost archly self-conscious, too smart for his or her own good, witty rather than humorous, bending rules and sailing close to the wind, taking the piss out of people, cutting down tall poppies, larger than life, skeptical, iconoclastic, egalitarian yet suffering fools badly, insouciant and, above all, defiant. -- Clem Gorman

Each year the winner of the award has their name permanently attached to the coveted Cowboy Lamb Chop.

So without further ado, let the ceremony begin...

For too long American left-wing news pundits have struggled over how to approach the rise of outspoken, conservative commentators like Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and Glenn Beck.  When left-wingers appear on their shows, they're interrupted and not granted enough speaking time to establish a cogent argument.  This tactic makes the interviewer look "tough" to his fans, but comes off as pompous, arrogant and completely moronic to anyone who took a class in Logic 101.  Unfortunately, the "enlightened left" thought the best way to fight back was to adopt these tactics for themselves.  Most notable among these folks are Michael Moore, Bill Maher and Al Franken and his Air America crowd.  Needless to say, they each come off as pompous, arrogant and completely moronic to anyone who took a class in Logic 101.  You'd think these folks would cancel one another out, but they don't, for one good reason.  The conservative voices of Rush, BIll and Glenn are aired in the guise of news commentary, news commentary and news commentary respectively.  Whereas Michael, Bill and Al's are aired in the guise of smelly fat guy, funny comedian and bad comedian respectively. In other words, the conservative idiots speak their minds and convey their influence on international news networks while the liberal idiots look like a bunch of reactionary hams.

This year's American Larrikin Award goes to a man who recognized this situation and chose to rectify it.  How?  Well, like most reactionary liberals, by adopting the tactics of the enemy.  But rather than adapting them to his own beliefs, he uses them to affirm the right-wing agenda!  What?  This may seem counter-intuitive, but where Rush, Bill and Glenn all drop the ball at the edge, this guy picks it up and runs clear down the slippery slope!  This year's award goes to a man whose command of satire is so strong, he was invited to speak before the President of the United States himself! 

This year's American Larrikin Award goes to Stephen Colbert:

Congratulations!

Post-Holiday Wrap Up

Wondering where your Christmas card is?  I haven't sent them out yet... sorry.  Hope to have them out by mid-January.  In the meantime, here's an update on how the holidays played out for me and the family.

We had a houseful of company.  Grandma & Grandpa Theologian, my Evil Little Brother and his wife were all down here visiting from the Great White North.  Of course, as promised, my gift to ELB kicked butt once again.

How to Eat Fried Worms was one of our favorite childhood books.  Lucky for my brother the DVD was released just in time for Christmas.  I grabbed a copy of the movie for him along with an original movie poster.  But wait, there's more...

I also got him an assortment of costumes and props used in the movie's production:

Billy's clothes (the outfit he's wearing on the movie poster)

Benjy's apron and measuring spoons

Benjy's thermos bag

Bradley's bike helmet & backpack

a trowel, and finally....

books on worms

Of course, after opening all his presents we had to watch the movie and let him play "Hey, that's mine!"

The Acolyte did well too.  I got him some books:

Quomodo Invidiosulus nomine GRINCHUS Christi natalem Abrogaverit

Cattus Petasatus

Virent Ova! Viret Perna!!

In the end, we all came out pretty good.  There was much PlayStation played and holiday cooking cooked and consumed, the girls went shopping and of course the baby was heavily photographed.  The family all headed back up north on New Year's Eve, giving Mrs. T, the Acolyte and me just enough time to drive out to Galveston to ring in the New Year.  A friend of mine just bought a house down there and invited us to his party.  We crashed right after midnight, but got up early New Year's Day and took the Acolyte to the beach.

Overall we had a great holiday.  Busier than usual since we played host, but fun nonetheless.

Christmas Meme

from The Bed & Breakfast Man

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate? Mulled Port

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Normally he would set them under the tree, unless the present had legs and a lap, then he might sit them under the tree...  Ooo, Itsy Bitsy Spider-Man has legs and a lap!  Santa can sit him under my tree any day!

3. Coloured or white lights on tree/house? I prefer colored, but our pre-lit synthetic Douglas fir came with white.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No.  Too risky since I know who all's coming over to visit this year.

5. When do you put your decorations up? Black Friday.

6. What is your holiday dish (excluding dessert)? That's a trick question, you can't exclude dessert... Custard Pie

7. Favourite holiday memory as a child: Attempting to photograph Santa with a trip wire and Polaroid camera when I was five.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I'm still discovering the truth about Santa.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?  Yes.  And anyone who says "no" is a liar.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Ideally, with nothing but wooden ornaments from Käthe Wohlfahrt.  In reality, only three wooden ornaments from Käthe Wohlfahrt and a bunch of crap from China.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it? I moved to south central Texas for ONE reason and one reason only, I absolutely hate sub-freezing temperatures and any type of precipitation that may accompany it.

12. Can you ice skate? Yes... but I haven't in over ten years.

13. Do you remember your favourite gift? Yes, but I received it on my birthday, not Christmas.

14. What’s the most important thing about the holidays for you? Time off work.

15. What is your favourite holiday dessert? Mulled Port 

16. What is your favourite holiday tradition? Trying to trump my previous year's present for my Evil Little Brother.

17. What tops your tree? Nothing at the moment, but Grandma & Grandpa Theologian are bringing a very special tree-topper down from the Great White North when they visit later this month... stay tuned....

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Giving, or better stated, Browsing and Buying wishing I could keep the stuff for myself.

19. What is your favourite Christmas song? It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

20. Candy canes: Why?

21. Favourite Christmas movie? The Hotel New Hampshire  And don't go telling me this isn't a Christmas film because it most certainly is; and my favorite Christmas film at that.

22. What do you leave for Santa? A ranked list of stuff I want and sworn affidavits from my associates vouching for my good behavior.

On Returning Home from the Office Holiday Party

***burp!***